


Hard Times(Stray Kids Version)

by thecrazyhairdo (givemepizza)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Sad Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Sad and Sweet, Slice of Life, Sweet Seo Changbin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:13:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25444480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givemepizza/pseuds/thecrazyhairdo
Summary: Once upon a time Felix was a successful professional rapper but suddenly his popularity isn't as it used to be. To make matters worse his record label loses interest in him soon after his popularity expires.With that going on alongside his other personal struggles, Felix is lucky to have an awesome boyfriend like Changbin to support and cheer him on.
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 30





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi fellow stays. This is my first stray kids story. I eventually found myself writing for them because like everyone else, changlix melts my heart. I love them so much so I have them this sad but very sweet story. Seriously Changbin is an angel here, loving a struggling Felix just right.  
> Chan and I.N are kinda the "bad guys" here but I promise they are not that awful. Also I didn't make them the bad guys cause I dislike them or anything. I LOVE the whole of stray kids
> 
> If anyone is interested, this exact story has a ONEUS(Hwanwoong/Youngjo) version. Same title.  
> I hope you'll enjoy my effort. Take care everyone ❤️

Felix takes one last deep breath and braces himself for the worst before stepping into his boss and older brother's office.  
Things haven't always been tense between them. Once upon a time being a singer under his brother's label was a dream come true for Felix, but shortly after he signed the contract, things went south quickly. Most recently all Felix seems to get is one piece of bad news after another.  
Felix finds his manager already there in the CEO's office. That's not new. Minho, Felix's manager has been deeply involved in every step of Felix's career as should he, doing his part to ease the path for Felix. That's all in the past though. Nowadays there nothing and no one who can ease Felix's suddenly stormy career path.  
One day both Felix and Minho woke up to the hellish reality that Felix just isn't as marketable as he used to be in the industry, despite his young age.The change happened so suddenly and for no apparent reason apart from the fact that a huge chunk of Felix's fans shifted interest to a newer even younger artist than Felix.  
That doesn't mean the agency hasn’t tried to stir Felix’s popularity. Up to this point the CEO- and Felix’s brother Chan- has tried everything in his power to restore the popularity Felix once had; small acting roles, variety show gigs, commercials and so much more. The only thing Felix hasn't done is maybe modelling and that's probably only because he doesn't have the height for it.  
In his office, Chan is seated behind his desk when Felix walks into the office. "Felix, sit.” Chan invites.

So Felix joins his manager on the plush leather couch that’s situated in the far right corner of the office, not too far from the CEO’s desk. Minho smiles and pats Felix on the back as he sits.  
Never one to beat about the bush, Chan gets right to the point as expected. “I invited you both here to let you know that a new artist will be joining our agency later this month.”  
Felix and Minho exchange a surprised glance and then Minho looks back at Chan. "Is that good news for us?"

“Having a new artist on board is always good news. Our followers are already buzzing about this on social media, so while the public is attention on us, we are going to hurry up and give him a solo album. We hope to release the new music by the end of this month.”

Felix frowns, confused by this news. “That’s when my new album comes out though.”

Chan leans forward, clasping his hands at his desk. “The other investors and I sat down and we’ve decided to postpone the release of your album.”

“Again?” Felix snaps in frustration

Minho takes hold of Felix’s hand and whispers. “Calm down, Lix.”

Felix knocks his hand out of Minho’s. “This is the third time my album is getting postponed.” He complains but his brother’s expression remains infuriatingly clam.

“Think about it this way, you get a chance to practice for longer. After all we agreed that you would deliver a different style of music this time.”

Felix shakes his head in disbelief. First his album was supposed to be released 16 months ago but it was postponed because Chan haphazardly decided that it was in Felix’s best interest to spend more time preparing and maybe come up with a new style of music as well since Felix’s music recently haven’t been doing well on the charts.

8 months ago Felix’s album release got pushed back again because the company felt that the timing was better suited for another one of its artist’s album release.

Now Felix is being shoved aside again and he needs answers.

“Yes but all the practicing and recording has been done. It’s been 16 months since I put music out there. My fans might forget me entirely.”

“I understand your passion and dedication to your fans, Felix but this is also a business. We have to pay bills and salaries around here. The truth is that you are no longer that profitable as an artist and there is only so much we can do to help your situation. Of course you’ll release your music eventually. All I’m saying is that right now we are other better opportunities to reach for. Do you understand?”

Felix presses his lips together in an effort to hold back the string of curses dying to flow out from his aching heart. Sitting here staring at the uncaring expression on his own brother’s face, Felix feels like he’s just been robbed not only of career opportunities, but his pride and joy as well. He feels like less than nothing. “Do I have much of a choice?” he asks, hating how shaky his voice sounds because he’s about to cry.

“Not really. We’ll keep you posted on when you can resume activities. For now just keep practicing and getting better. Spend some time chatting with your fans on SNS.”

*********

While making very slow steps towards the dance studio, Felix’s heart keeps growing heavier and heavier. Everything inside and out of his body just hurts so damn much and it doesn’t help that Chan’s words keep running through his mind.

_Right now we have better opportunities to reach for._

This is a business indeed and there is barely any room for love and kindness, but at times such as this, Felix wonders how his own brother can say such scathing words to him. After all there was a time when Felix was very profitable to this company. Chan wasn’t exactly nice to Felix back then either but he wasn’t as harsh as he is now.

Back then Chan even took Felix out for meals and company parties to meet other industry hotshots. Felix was Chan’s pride and Felix desperately ate up every trickle of attention, admiration and love he got from Chan because that’s the only family he has. Their parents died a very long time ago when Felix was only 13. Chan is a lot older than Felix, so he was 28 when it happened. Since then it’s just been the two of them.

Chan always had dreams of working in the music industry, so he and some equally interested friends of his formed a partnership, set up an agency and signed the first two artists. Around the time he was 15 or 16, Felix easily found himself spending time at his brother’s small agency and that’s where his rapping talent was discovered one day when he was playing around in the recording studio.

A two year period of training later, Felix debuted as a solo artist with the agency at age 18 and he has been a rapper and dancer for exactly 7 years. He is set to renew his contract soon. That in itself is something Felix is excited about because there are some changes he hopes to make to his working conditions.

With a busy lifestyle such as Felix’s in a world where people take pretentiousness to a whole new level, it was been difficult for Felix to make any friends. He lost the ones he had before debut because his training hasn’t allowed him much time for them. Most of his time is spent of meeting other celebrities than regular folks, so he’s only managed to acquire a few fellow celebrity friends, but even those haven’t really stuck because everyone is too busy working or pretending to be something they are not.

Chan is the only person Felix can truly rely on as a friend and family, but as the years roll by, Chan gets more and more distant. Felix can’t shake off the feeling that he lost the family and friendship in Chan a long time ago the moment they became boss and employee. Their relationship feels so forced now. They were never really close growing but Felix thought that was only because for their age difference. They are both men now so Felix would think they’d get along better yet that’s not the case at all.

The time their relationship did improve, Chan was probably only excited about the money Felix was making him, it’s a painful reality but one Felix has to accept and live with because he is too old to pretend. Now that Felixis no longer a cash cow, Chan can barely create the time to have a drink with Felix.

Felix’s phone vibrates in his coat pocket. He takes it out and checks the screen. It’s a text from his boyfriend Changbin. A tiny glimmer of brightness comes alive in Felix’s chest despite how cold and gloomy he feels, and he manages a tiny smile.

**From: My Changbin hyungie <3**

_How is your day going?_

Felix pauses in the hallway to text back.

**To:** **My Changbin hyungie <3**

_I miss you, hyung. I wish you were here with me right now._

**From: My Changbin hyungie <3**

_Is something wrong, baby?_

**To:** **My Changbin hyungie <3**

_I’m okay. Can’t I just miss my man anymore?_

Felix doesn’t mean to lie but maybe he doesn’t want to tell his boyfriend all about the heavy stuff going on with him through text. It’s better to talk in person later.

**From: My Changbin hyungie <3**

_:D That’s sweet. You are sweet. I miss you too <3_

**To:** **My Changbin hyungie <3**

_How is work?_

**From: My Changbin hyungie <3**

_Well I haven’t died of boredom yet, so good I guess. I’ll text you again later okay. Love you, baby <3_

**To:** **My Changbin hyungie <3**

_I love you too, hyung:*_

Felix slumps against the wall behind him, tilting his head back and holding back tears of frustration and sheer sadness. He really wishes Changbin were here with him now to hold him and to be strong for him like he always is.

*********

“Surprise. I brought dinner.” Changbin says with a smile when he shows up at Felix’s apartment later in the eveving, much to Felix’s surprise and joy.

In pure elation, Felix lunges at Changbin and throws his arms around him. Changbin Totally welcomes the affection and puts his arms around Felix, paper bags in his hands and all. “Thank God you are here.” Felix mutters, voice muffled because he has his face buried his face in the crook of Changbin’s neck. The heater is on in his house, but Felix can’t seem to feel it. He just feels so cold literally and probably emotionally too thanks to this awful, exhausting, depressing day.

So instead of letting go of Changbin so that they can move from the entryway and get settled in, he tightens his hold on Changbin, enjoying the warmth seeping into him. Felix feels like he might crumble if Changbin lets go of him. He wishes he could stay right here in Changbin’s arms and forget everything- past and present.

According to Felix’s contract with this agency, he isn’t allowed to date so every once in a while his manager or another staff member is sent out to follow Felix around to make sure he is taking care of his health, eating right and staying away from the dating scene. For all Felix knows, someone from his agency could be outside right now, eavesdropping to find out who is going in and out of Felix’s house. Of course dating another guy helps to eradicate any suspicions of a romance, but it’s still a bit of a risk for Felix having Changbin here since everyone at the agency knows that he has no non-celebrity friends.

Felix can’t bring himself to care about all that right now though.

“I know you’ve had a tough day but I’m here now. It’s okay?” Changbin murmurs softly and kindly, his voice full of understanding. The last remnants of strength holding Felix together come crushing down and he bursts into tears.

Changbin dips slightly to more carefully put the paper bags down by his feet, then he straightens back up and properly gatheres Felix into his arms.

*******

“I’m such a downer. You brought food and here I am being all sad and shit.” Felix laughs mirthlessly, pulling his chapped bottom lip between his teeth.

Changbin winces at how hoarse Felix’s voice sounds, probably from all the time he is spending recording music in the studio and on vocal training to incorporate some singing in his upcoming album. His throat must hurt like hell.

Felix’s tears have subsided now and he and Changbin have reclined on Felix’s leather couch in his tiny living area space. 

Changbin uses his fingers to wipe the last traces of moisture on Felix’s cheeks. “It’s better than pretending. You are not a downer.”

“You are too nice.”

“I know. It’s a shame we don’t have many boyfriend-of-the-year contests here in Seoul.” Changbin chortles.

That gets a small smile out of Felix, an achievement Changbin is incredibly happy about. Small victories count too.

“I bet you’d win.”

Changbin takes Felix’s hands in his and looks him straight in the eye. “What happened? Why are you so upset?”

Felix sighs and lowers his gaze. “My album has been pushed back again.”

Changbin scowls. “Why?”

“Apparently the main focus of any agency is to make profit. I’m no longer so profitable, so the younger, more popular artists in the agency are being given first priority when it comes to comebacks.” Felix laughs dryly as a fresh wave of bitterness washes over him.

Changbin can’t find the words to say. He is just so flabbergasted by the offensive situation and he’s also really heartbroken for his boyfriend. Until they figure something out together that can make all this better, all Changbin can do is comfort Felix, and that’s what he does. He sidles closer to Felix and pulls him into his arms again.

Felix gets up and settles himself onto Changbin’s lap, and loops his arms around Changbin’s neck.

*******

They settle for dinner on the floor with their food laid out between them on the paper bags. Felix doesn’t own a decent table yet.

Changbin notices that Felix is spending more time picking at his food than actually eating it, but he doesn’t say anything. He understands that Felix is having a hard time having to diet when he hates it so much. The stress he’s under also probably isn’t doing much to improve his appetite.

“I miss drinking beer and eating fried chicken with you.” Felix suddenly reminisces. “I don’t even have any work but I have to maintain my weight anyway.” He scoffs bitterly

“That does suck.” Changbin says and then he smiles softly also recalling the times they ate fried chicken together in bed at Changbin’s place. “Our fried chicken dates were fun. Maybe we can do it again soon when you are done preparing for your comeback.”

Felix nods, glancing at the contents on Changbin’s plate. It’s not very different from what’s on Felix’s plate. Whenever Felix is on a diet, Changbin tries to stay away from all unhealthy food too, just to support Felix. Sometimes Felix can’t believe how good Changbin is to him, that someone can love him like Changbin does. Felix feels truly blessed to have Changbin.

At the same time it’s a curse because Felix feels guilty for turning his boyfriend into a guardian of sorts. Since Felix spends so many hours working, Changbin brings him dinners, occasionally goes to Felix’s apartment to clean up, comes running to comfort Felix whenever is having a hard time, and mostly he even helps Felix out financially.

For a few months now since Felix got his own place, Changbin has been paying Felix’s utility bills and stocking up his fridge and cabinets with groceries. Felix hates being so helpless financially but his career doesn’t allow him to get another job. He was very young when he signed his contract and at the time paying bills was the least of his concerns. He was more excited about becoming a star, so he put his name of a document that has close to no benefits for him. Felix makes very little money from his singing career.

Just to have more privacy, he used the little savings he had left from finally clearing the debt he owed his agency for maintenance expenses, to rent this place. Changbin once suggested they move in together to reduce their costs since his job doesn’t earn him that much more than Felix’s. But Felix has dating-ban contractual obligations to fulfil and moving in with someone the agency doesn’t know would raise questions. 

None of the stuff Changbin does for Felix is easy for him but he does it anyway with close to no complaints.

That’s part of the reason why Felix really wants do well as a singer, to make Changbin proud and repay his kindness. Felix wants to be a better, stronger, more composed person too for Changbin.

“How are things at work?” Felix asks Changbin.” Anything fun happen today?”

“There is no such thing as fun in the life of a risk appraisal officer.”

Felix laughs, with some actual humour in it this time. “But you still love the work?

Changbin nods. “With the issue of global recession getting worse, the world of investment and savings is getting more fascinating.”

“Good for you. Are you happy?”

“Yeah.” Changbin says in a heartbeat.

Felix’s gaze drops to his lap. “I remember a time when joining this agency was the best thing that happened to me. I hope I’ll go back to feeling that way again.” 

“You are young and possibilities for you are infinite. If things don’t get any better here, there will be a better arrangement waiting for you elsewhere.”

“You think so?”

“I actually do. Now stop worrying and eat your food or I’ll force feed you.”

Felix pouts and tilts his head to the side, looking at Changbin will a cute smile. “I actually like it when you feed me.”

“So, is that what you are trying to get me to do right now?”

Felix shrugs. “You don’t have to, but it would be nice.” He widens his already wide eyes to look extra cute and Changbin groans

“Puppy eyes? So not fair.” Changbin huffs.

Sensing that a victory is within his reach, Felix grins, bursting into laughter when Changbin roll s his eyes at him.

“You stabbed me on the cheek with your chopsticks, so no thanks.”

“Let that go already.” Felix grumbles indignantly. “For God’s sake I was trying to be romantic.”

“In the future, let me handle the romance.” Changbin wrinkles his nose. “You are so bad at it. I haven’t forgotten the candlelight dinner incident 2 months ago when you tried your hand at cooking.”

“Incident?” Felix scoffs, mock offended. “I was trying to do something special for you.”

“Really? I thought you made me eat that food to get back at me for something.” Changbin teases and Felix throws a piece of lettuce at him.

The sight of Changbin laughing so hard makes it impossible for Felix to feign anger. He ends up laughing along because yes the dinner in question was awful.

Changbin reaches for a bottle of honey and lemon water, twists the cap off and hands it to Felix. “It’s good for your throat.”

“I really didn’t want to eat another meal alone. Thanks for coming.”

“That’s okay. I missed you anyway.” Changbin leans forward with his lips puckered, asking for a kiss. Felix puts his plate down, sits up, takes Changbin’s face in the palms of his hands and kisses him on the lips. 


	2. Two

Felix lets his knees give out and his exhausted body collapses onto the practice room floor. He lies there on his back, staring at the ceiling and waiting for his breathing to steady and his head to stop spinning after a lengthy dance practice session.

In the background he faintly hears footsteps then the booming music stops and a few seconds later, the figure of his manager appears, looming over Felix.

"Hi." Minho says with a smile before crouching down and taking Felix by the arm to pull him up into a sitting position.

Minho then hands Felix a bottle of water. "You've danced enough. Take a break."

"Thanks." Felix gratefully accepts the water and quickly drinks it, gulping down half of it at once.

"Go home and rest."

"It's boring there. I can’t just sit around all day."

Minho sighs and actually has the decency to look like he hates what he's about to say. "Your album doesn't come out in a while. There is no need for this much practice."

Felix looks at Minho. "I have nothing else to do. There is nothing outside my career."

"Maybe it's time you talk to your brother about the dating ban. I mean you are getting older now and it's time you get some friends, maybe a nice girlfriend."

Felix lowers his gaze at the 'nice girlfriend' part. Felix trusts Minho and he's probably the closest thing to a friend Felix has, but not even Minho knows about Felix's boyfriend or that Felix is gay.

It's just a risk Felix can't take. He has to protect his career and sometimes that means keeping personal things to himself. Chan has eyes and ears all over the company, watching Felix's every move to make sure he follows all regulations under the contract. That makes it hard for Felix to entirely trust anyone.

“Having some friends would be nice.” _I’d also love to go out on public dates with Changbin hyung_ , Felix is thinking to himself.

“It’s not a bad idea to talk to your brother about it. You are older now, so he should trust you more.”

“Hyung can be quite uncompromising. You know that.” Felix meekly mutters to the floor.

“Doesn’t hurt to try.” Minho shrugs one shoulder. “He might surprise you.”

*********

The walk to his brother’s office is always the worst for Felix because he always has to gather some courage first so that his tenacity doesn’t crumble the moment he comes face to face with his brother’s stern, rigid gaze.

Today is no different. Felix looks back fondly on a time when he could comfortably discuss personal matters with his brother. Nowadays every conversation is so nerve wrecking and uncomfortable because no matter what Felix ends up feeling like a querulous bother. The fact makes Felix endlessly miserable because Chan is the only family he has but they can’t even have one decent conversation.

"That's absolutely out of the question." Chan says the moment Felix voices out his request for the dating ban on his contract to be lifted. Felix is sitting across his brother, staring right at the cold, calculating, intimidating expression Chan is wearing. Minho calls it a thick skin that everyone acquires in the harsh world of business.

Sure this is a business environment and Felix’s contract with tis agency means business, but he doesn’t get why Chan has to be so hostile towards him every time.

"I'm a grown man now and I can take care of myself." Felix tries to reason.

"Artists older than you have had scandals. We can't take the risk."

"But I'm...I'm a person before I'm an artist."

"You are also an asset, Felix. For god's sake grow up and come to your senses. This is a business. Your career comes first for both of us. Why do you need this ban lifted anyway?"

 _Because I'm lonely_ , he wants to say but can't find the courage

He cowers and meekly lowers his gaze because he has no confidence and that's the bitter truth that he has to accept about who he is.

Instead of asserting himself in the situation, Felix goes to a bar to drink his sorrows away. He's not sure how long he's been sitting in a dark corner -to avoid getting recognised by someone- when his phone buzzes. Pulling it out from his coat pocket, he finds a text from Changbin.

**From: My Changbin Hyungie <3**

_Still at the company? I just left the office._

Felix's mind is already a little foggy considering how inebriated he is from the alcohol, so the words on the screen are floating about. It’s worse when he looks at the keyboard, but he does his best to type a reply.

**To: My Changbin Hyungie <3**

_Lest met at you pleca_

A reply comes very quickly

**From: My Changbin Hyungie <3**

_Your entire text is riddled with misspellings. Are you drunk? Where are you?_

Damn it. Sometimes Felix feels like it’s a curse that Changbin knows him so well. Felix was hoping that he could find a way to sober up and go meet Changbin without any evidence that he’s been drinking. Changbin always scolds Felix when he drinks because Felix tends to go a bit overboard.

Felix blinks rapidly and even shakes his head to clear his head so that he can type something more coherent. He squints at the text he just sent and after some time he notices the mistakes he made. The horror.

He starts typing again, a little slower this time

**To: My Changbin Hyungie <3**

_I’m not drunk. jts tired. Illl go to your lpace now_

**From: My Changbin Hyungie <3**

_Where are you? I’m coming to get you_

Before Felix can really react to the text, his phone starts ringing. Changbin is calling. He panics, just staring at the screen. If he answers, Changbin will know he’s at a bar. The bar he’s in is more the kind people come to socialise and relax at than dance and be rowdy, so the music playing isn’t very loud, but it’s loud enough to be heard over the phone.

So Felix waits for the phone to stop ringing and then he types a quick text.

**To: My Changbin Hyungie <3**

_Can’t tlak now. go to your place. I’ll be thwre aoon_

**From: My Changbin Hyungie <3**

_I know you are lying. Tell me where you are already._

Felix can almost literally sense Changbin’s impatience and building anger in that one text, so he decides against any more lies. He finally texts Changbin the address of the bar.

**********

For someone whose texts barely make sense, Felix’s directions aren’t half bad. Changbin finds him with less than expected hustle. The moment Changbin walks into the establishment, he notices that it’s a gay bar if the number of canoodling all-male couples about is anything to go by. The good news is that the place isn’t too crowded, so he navigates with ease, skimming the place for where Felix said he’s sitting. Eventually Changbin spots the familiar figure of his boyfriend tucked away in the dark corner of the bar near the lounge area.

While making his way to the bar, Changbin was upset about Felix drinking on a weeknight, especially alone, but that anger thaws a bit when he sees how small, lonely and pitiful Felix looks hunched over the bar counter.

Changbin’s steps quicken as he walks towards Felix, his protective instincts coming alive and burning in his chest.

Just to be cautious in case he is mistaken about the identity of the person in front of him, Changbin taps the person on the shoulder. The person sits up but doesn’t face him right away. First he scrambles to put his face mask on and Changbin instantly knows that it’s his Felix.

Felix whips around on his stool, and he instinctively wants to reach out and hug Changbin but he stops himself because he knows that Changbin is upset. He pulls the mask off his face and continues to fidget with it in his hands to keep them busy because it’s nearly physically impossible for him to keep his hands off Changbin.

Changbin sighs as he stares into Felix’s wide, nervous eyes. “Why are you here? Did something happen?” he asks. Yes he has to speak a little louder than normal to be heard but he’s grateful that he doesn’t have to shout.

Felix lowers his gaze and shakes his head. Changbin takes Felix’s face in the palms of his hands and tips his face up so that their gazes can meet. “Tell me what happened.”

Felix wants to. God, he wants to, but he’s also just tired of complaining, crying and always looking pitiful and pathetic in front of Changbin. “It’s just some stuff with my brother. It’s no big deal. Really.” Felix forces a smile.

“It’s a big deal since you are clearly upset. Did you have another fight with Chan Hyung?”

Felix gives up the physically strenuous effort of trying not to reach for Changbin, and leans forward then wraps his arms around Changbin’s waist and rests his head on Changbin’s chest. He tries to hold his tears back, he really does but they fall anyway because he’s a damned easy crier.

Changbin’s arms circle around Felix and he leans down to kiss Felix’s hair.

“I just want to take you out on a fun date in public, in the middle of the day.” Felix sniffs.

Changbin smiles fondly. “Is that why you are crying?”

“I know dating me sucks.”

“Not it doesn’t.”

“Yes it does. We never get to do the stuff you want to do or the stuff that normal couples do.”

“I’m the one that’s made the choice to be with you, so any discomfort I might feel is my own fault really.”

“I could be a better boyfriend.” Felix’s chest is burning with anguish. He feels so miserable and trapped by a life he once thought would bring him joy, a career choice he still hopes will make him happy someday. He loves music so much, he loves his fans even more and he wants to keep his brother happy, but he also just wants to be free to love Changbin. Why can’t he have it all?

“Stop being so hard on yourself. I’m not perfect either. No one is. It’s not healthy for you to shoulder the burden of so much guilt. Let’s just do the best we can and try to be happy together, okay?”

Felix tilts his head back to look up and Changbin kisses him on the lips, slow, soft and sweet.

“I really hate vodka.” Changbin mutters against Felix’s lips, and chuckles.

“Sorry.”

Changbin runs his thumb gently along Felix’s lips. “Your lips are so sweet though, so that totally makes up for it.”

Felix makes a face. “A flower just blossomed somewhere because of how cheesy that sounds.”

“At least you are smiling.” And that’s all Changbin intends to do. He puts his hands on either side of Felix’s face and wipes away the wetness on Felix’s cheeks with his fingers.

“I probably don’t say this enough but I’m really grateful for the fact that I have you.” Felix often feels unfulfilled not having family and friends, but Changbin really tries his best to fill that void and Felix needs him to know how much he appreciates the effort. “I love you, hyung.”

“I love you too.” Changbin kisses Felix again. “Let’s go home.”

**********

After a nice, hot shower at Changbin’s place, Felix makes them both some tea and they move to the living area to watch some TV. Changbin puts the animal channel on to no one’s surprise. Felix grimaces as he lifts his feet off the floor to fold them under him on the couch. “Are we really doing this, hyung?”

Changbin smiles, knowing exactly what’s got Felix annoyed. “Animals are fun to watch, baby. Lighten up.”

“I’ll lighten up when you put a movie on.”

“Later. I want to find out how snakes mate. I’ve always wondered.”

Felix’s jaw drops at his boyfriend. Seriously sometimes he wonders why he’s so smitten with Changbin and all of his weirdness. As usual he is reminded that there is more to love than hate about Changbin.

So for the love of his man, Felix grabs his tea mug and sits back on the couch, relaxing into the program.

Changbin follows suit, wrapping his left arm around Felix and pulling him closer to his side.

“Should we order dinner?”

“Later.” Felix closes his eyes and nestles closer yet into Changbin’s side, settling into the moment. “Let’s take a nap first. I’m tired.” As if on cue, he yawns

Changbin kisses the top of Felix’s hair. “You might not wake up till tomorrow, so you need to eat something first.”

“No. I don’t want to move.”

Changbin lets out a resigned sigh. “Alright but if you miss dinner, I’m stuffing a huge breakfast down your throat tomorrow.”

Felix sleepily grins. “I promise it won’t come to that…this time.”

*********

The weeks that follow are a nightmare for Felix. The new artist joining the company- stage name I.N- arrives and he replaces Felix in almost every way. According to the CEO and the executive producers’ instructions, I.N takes up Felix’s private dance studio and annoyingly enough even most of Felix’s hours in the recording studio. Felix is among the 3 senior artist in the company and some of the privileges of that include having one’s own dance studio and you don’t have to wait in line to use the studio. Felix has been enjoying those privileges among others for about 3 years now then suddenly I.N comes along and he’s already being treated better than Felix is.

Felix can’t believe when he goes to his recording studio one afternoon and finds one the producers he works with telling him to wait because I.N is recording.

“I.N is a really big deal right now and his fans are waiting for a quality album. I guess management just wants to assist him with the best resources around here. Don’t take it to heart.” Minho supplies when Felix asks his manager what the hell is going on.

“I have music to make too.” Felix replies, hating how desperate, petty and selfish he sounds to his own ears.

It appears to be with much agony that Minho says, “Your projects have been pushed back though. You’ll have all the resources you need when your time comes, okay? Meanwhile you can focus on writing lyrics.”

The cold, harsh, bitter truth settles in Felix’s stomach and actually causes him some physical discomfort.

Felix has no idea that this is only the beginning of a series of disappointments. Slowly but certainly, I.N starts to overtake Felix’s projects as well. Minho and Chan have ever briefed Felix on what projects he should expect to participate in for the next few months, about 2 months prior to those events getting booked for him. As such, Felix is well aware of the variety show appearances, hosting gigs and other events he’s set to participate in.

As time progresses, Felix notices that he’s not getting any updates on how far Minho is with arranging for those projects for Felix, so he calls Minho to ask.

“I.N needs as many TV appearances as possible to promote his album, so we are making bookings for him at present. We’ll get back to you soon.” Minho explains to Felix over the phone

Felix’s stomach sinks and the unrelenting ache he’s felt there for weeks only gets worse. “What about the appearances I was promised?” he demands

“We’ll be sure to prepare for you when the time comes.”

“Look, hyung, if I don’t get some work any time soon, I’ll lose more fans.”

“Don’t be dramatic. Your fans love you.”

“This is unfair. I can’t believe you all are throwing me out just because a more relevant artist has arrived.”

Minho sighs. “I know it sounds cold, but that’s business Felix. The sooner you come to terms with that the better you’ll feel. I know you feel bad and I want to help. I really do, but I’m helpless too in the situation.”

Felix hangs up the phone and throws it at the nearest wall.


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved every step of writing this story and its so special to me, so i hate saying goodbye already. I can only hope that you guys will find this finale satisfying.  
> Thank you so much for your support<3

Changbin pulls his door open and finds Felix standing there at his doorstep.

"Why are you knocking? I have you a key." Changbin says, taking in the exhausted and depleted state Felix is in.

In a very sluggish, very absent manner, Felix takes to searching his coat pockets and when he comes up empty, he turns a pair of tired, sunken eyes forwards Changbin. "I think I lost them. Sorry."

"It's okay. Come in." Changbin reaches for his boyfriend's arm and gently tugs to invite him inside.

Once they are both inside, Changbin locks the door and then helps Felix out of his coat.

After he's slipped into a pair of house slippers, Felix turns his attention to Changbin. "Hi." He mutters with as much enthusiasm and energy he can muster, which isn't much.

"Hey." Changbin softly replies, putting his palms on either side of Felix's face and looking lovingly at him.

Changbin's heart hurts so much every time Felix comes over, looking a mess.

Felix's eyes are bloodshot and there are dark circles around them. Changbin gently touches Felix's lips with his thumb, lips that were once expressive, vibrant and a radiant, inviting shade of pink. Now they are a pale greyish colour, chapped and just sad-looking.

Changbin's fingers slide away from Felix's mouth and trail up to caress Felix's lean cheeks. Changbin thinks of a time when Felix had full, round cheeks that Changbin loved to playfully pinch and kiss.

Everything has changed so much. It's not only how much Felix's looks have changed but also how the gentle glow, and genuine optimism he once had is gone.

Changbin can still see the love and affection in Felix's eyes when he looks at him but not much else.

It should be enough for Changbin that he is still loved but it isn't. He wants Felix to be happy, brave and optimistic again in all areas of his life and not only when he is in Changbin's arms.

"You look so exhausted. What happened?" Changbin asks quietly, his gaze imploring Felix to speak up.

But Felix is too tired to talk now. His heart and body are all heavy with physical and emotional stress. So he just takes a step forward, slides his arms around Changbin’s waist and hugs him.

Changbin's heart breaks some more because he knows how burdened Felix is feeling. He wants to help, to make it all better but he just doesn't know how. Not when Felix insists on keeping his career.

In a way Changbin understands Felix. It's not easy saying goodbye to a beloved career and art but Changbin also believes that despite the suffering one may go through to live out their dreams, there should always a limit to the struggle and there should be some joy in it.

Felix hasn't looked happy in years now and Changbin is beginning to wonder whether Felix is living the right life at all. It's not Changbin's place to say or decide but deep down he secretly wishes Felix would walk away from his music career or at least from his brother’s agency for good and try to find joy elsewhere. He wishes there was something he could do to make Felix's struggles easier to shoulder.

For now all he can do is wrap Felix in his arms, support and love him.

Felix sighs contentedly as Changbin's warmth seeps into him. This is the comfort he's been craving all day. The only thing that makes all of Felix's struggles bearable is knowing that he has Changbin's arms to run back to after each tough day or number of days.

It's been three days too long since they last saw each other and Felix is ready to recline here in Changbin's house where he feels the safest. He draws back a bit to look at Changbin. "I missed you."

"I missed you too. Are you okay?"

Felix evades this question too and leans down to kiss Changbin because that's what he'd rather do. The truth is that Felix is sick of struggling and complaining. Since this is the only place where he can have some peace and joy, so he no longer wants to waste his time here talking about work.

He tips his head to one side and deepens the kiss, licking into Changbin's mouth and pouring all his passion and love into it.

“I’m exhausted. Let’s go to sleep.” Felix mutters against Changbin’s lips, sounding as tired as he feels.

“We haven’t had dinner.”

The thought of putting any food inside his aching stomach almost triggers Felix’s gag reflex. He shakes his head. “I’m not hungry.”

“I don’t want you starving yourself. Did you eat anything today?”

Felix can’t remember. While he’s figuring out what to say, Changbin speaks up. “Let’s take a shower and then order in. is that okay?”

Maybe Felix will have some appetite after getting cleaned up, so he nods.

*********

Long after they’ve finished actually washing up, Changbin and Felix stay there in the bath, just soaking up together because Changbin thinks like Felix really needs the relaxation. Changbin had to run a fresh bath for them so that they don’t waddle in their own filth.

He’s leaning back against the tub with his arms wrapped around Felix, who is lying on Changbin, back pressed against Changbin’s chest. 

They’ve been sitting for so long is silence that Changbin starts wondering whether Felix has fallen asleep. He cranes his neck to see Felix’s face and he finds Felix staring blankly at the wall, blinking very slowly.

“Are you having a hard time?” Changbin asks

Felix nods after what feels like forever.

Changbin sighs miserably. “I know it’s not my place to say this, but I have to say something. You haven’t looked happy in a very long time. Your rapping career is making you sadder than happier. Are you sure It’s a good idea to continue with your agency?”

“My current agency knows me best. It would be hard to start over with another. Besides Chan hyung will get upset if I leave after he’s done so much for me. I don’t want that.”

“Maybe he’ll understand that you want to be happy.”

Felix shakes his head. “He’s the only family I have. I don’t want to drive a rift between us.”

Changbin’s arms instinctively tighten around Felix if only to offer a bit of comfort. “How much longer can you sacrifice your own happiness for your brother’s?”

“Music makes me happy too.”

“Not under your brother’s agency. It’s time for a fresh start.”

Felix doesn’t reply. He just shuffles around in Changbin’s arms until he settles onto his side, wrapping his arms around Changbin’s waist. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Changbin is the only joy Felix has left and he doesn’t to taint even that talking about his shitty life all the time.

Changbin thinks this conversation is far from over but he can’t force things. “Okay.” He whispers and kisses Felix’s forehead.

**********

The months start ticking away without any hope of Felix getting some work. His fans continue expressing their concern and questions on social media. With nothing else to do with his time, Felix spends more time chatting with his fans these days. It breaks his heart reading about how much they miss him but somehow it’s also comforting.

As they get more vehemently about demanding some more music from him, Felix ends up thoughtlessly promising them that he’ll make a comeback pretty soon as he has already recorded some music over the past few months.

What he doesn’t expect is for that promise to turn into a news headline. Felix is entirely stunned when Chan calls him early on a Tuesday morning, all angry and demanding answers from Felix.

“When I told you to spend some time chatting with your fans, this isn’t what I meant.”

Felix’s stomach lurches after Chan explains what’s happened. According to entertainment news today, Felix is making a comeback soon. No doubt his fans took what he told them to mean he’s releasing new music soon.

“I… I had no idea the fans would…. I just sort of said that to comfort them.” Felix tries to explain to Chan.

“Everything can be turned into a headline, Felix. You don’t make a promise unless you are certain you can keep it. For God’s sake, why are you acting like an amateur?”

“I’m sorry. It was a mistake.” Felix swallows the lump forming in his throat. “I told them I’d release one song. Just one. Certainly I can make good on that promise.”

“What part of you-do-not-call-the-shots don’t you understand?”

“Why can’t I make certain decisions for my own career? It’s my talent and my fans.”

“Because you do not finance your content.” Chan says heatedly. His tone of voice is levelled but also just a tad bit waspish to show that his anger is just barely contained. “I have a say because I have an investment in the asset. You are an asset and the asset does not finance itself, understood?”

“It’s just one song.”

“Will you sponsor that one song? Can you afford to?” Chan is challenging Felix now.

Of course Felix can’t afford to sponsor a song or really anything in his life. His boyfriend is paying his utility bills for him after all. It’s humiliating. Felix hates not being able to look after his self and he hates putting that responsibility of Changbin but Felix still lives each day with his pride swallowed way down, his problems shoved to the side and his reservations ignored because he loves making music to himself and his fans.

“I won’t need a music video. I could release the song on my sound cloud or something.”

“My point is that you have to get permission. You don’t tell your fans things we haven’t discussed. We have investors to consult about promotions.”

Just about fed up, Felix explodes. “Why is it always a big deal when I want to make a comeback?” His voice is shaking with emotion because this is probably the first time he is raising his voice at his older brother. “It’s like you people don’t want to support me at all. You promised to support me when I signed on. If you can’t fulfil your obligations, then what’s the point of my staying at that agency? You aren’t giving me many reasons to resign when my contract expires soon.”

“You think you’ll shake up a whole company with that threat? Revenue on your music releases has decreased by 61%. You are lucky the agency is still holding on to you. If you want to walk away from us, be my guest.” Chan hangs up.

Felix’s vision with tears as he puts his phone down. It’s terribly obvious now that his agency is no longer interested in him. It’s a truth that Felix has sort of known but in his desperation to stay he convinced himself otherwise. He denied this truth every time Changbin said it. Now it’s impossible to ignore.

*********

**_Rapper Lee Felix to go on hiatus due to a back injury_ **

Changbin stares in shock at the news headline as he reads it over and over again. Usually when he’s having lunch at work, he browses through entertainment news just to see what his favourite artists re up to. He doesn’t at all expect to find such disheartening news about his number one musician and boyfriend.

Changbin’s heart is racing as he puts his food away to dials Felix’s number.

There is no answer. Changbin tries the number a few more times before he gives up. He can’t possibly focus on his work now if he doesn’t get feedback on how Felix is doing, what hospital he’s been taken to and things like that.

Thankfully Minho answers his phone. Felix gave him the number to reach in case of a dire emergency. This is a dire emergency.

Minho sounds distressed over the phone as he starts answering Changbin’s questions. “Felix isn’t at a hospital. He’s at home. His place.”

“How come?” Changbin is confused now.

Minho sighs on the phone and hesitates for a little while before saying. “Look, I know that you and Felix are more than friends. that’s why I’m going to entrust you with the truth.”

For a second Changbin registers what Minho just said and he nearly starts to how Minho found out, but this is not the time. Changbin will just have to ask that question later and worry about the consequences of Minho knowing about the true nature of Changbins and Felix’s relationship. Right now he’s more concerned about Felix’s wellbeing. “What truth is that?”

“Lix isn’t really injured. The company made this move to keep him from putting out any music.”

Changbin’s blood runs cold. Seriously how far will that company go to toss Felix out? Maybe Felix hasn’t had enough yet but Changbin has. All this nonsense ends here.

***********

Changbin frantically bursts into Felix's apartment. He couldn’t get away from work until now so to say he is dying to see Felix is such an understatement. He doesn't even bother to turn on the lights in the dark house before he rushes to the small living area, calling out for Felix. He stops when he hears quiet whimpering coming from the living area.

"Changbin hyung." Felix readily calls out, his gruff voice barely audible.

Changbin finds Felix curled up into a ball on the floor, hugging and crying into a pillow.

Tears well up in Changbin's eyes at the sight but he takes a deep breath and resist the urge to cry because he needs to stay strong for Felix. Changbin didn't bail on his job- something he'll undoubtedly be writing a report and get reprimanded for tomorrow- to come here and cry with Felix.

So he drops to his hunches and takes Felix by the arms to pull him up into a sitting position.

Felix can't even look up. He feels so much better now that Changbin is here but he is also a bit embarrassed about what a wreck he is in.

Changbin cups Felix's tear streaked face in the palms of his hands and tries to turns it towards him but Felix won't let him. "Minho hyung told me what’s going on?"

"It hurts so damn much. Please make it stop." Felix cries and ultimately tosses the cushion he's holding aside to reach up and wrap his arms around Changbin's neck and buries his face in the crook of Changbin's neck.

Changbin wraps his arms around Felix and effortlessly stands up, taking Felix with him. Once Changbin is on his feet, Felix picks his legs up and wraps them around Changbin's waist.

Changbin manoeuvres them both to sit down on Felix’s couch. He waits until Felix’s crying subsides to ask, “Are you okay?”

“No. I’m so tired.” Felix mutters and finally, finally he voices out the one thing Changbin has been waiting for him to admit. “I’m not happy.”

“What are you thinking?”

Felix takes his time thinking before he answers because he feels like once he states his decision, it will be that final. Perhaps for the first time in his life, he’s 100% sure about what he’s about to say. “It’s time to leave my rapping career behind.”

“Are you sure you are okay with that?”

“Yes.”

“You can look for another agency?”

Felix shakes his head. “One day maybe, but for now I want to do something else. There is a lot more I can do with my music talent. I don’t want to be an idol anymore.”

“You’ve been an idol for 7 years. Are you sure it’s something you can just walk away from?”

“It’s not like I’ve built some fortune from this life. Out of those 7 years I’ve been happy probably for 2. I literally have nothing to lose from walking away.”

“I’m sorry that you are walking away from your rapping career empty handed.”

“I’m not empty handed. I met you in that time. Also, I still have my talents. If I can’t use them, I’ll find another way. The point is that it’s time for me to man up and face real life.”

“I’m here if you need anything.”

“I know. God, I know.”

*********

“So you are really leaving?” Chan scoffs, staring down at his hands that as clasped atop his dining table.

Since resolving yesterday that it’s about time he puts an end to an unhappy career, Felix came to his brother’s house first thing early in the morning so that maybe for once in a long time they can talk like brothers in a home environment and not like work colleagues in an office building.

Chan made some tea for the both of them and invited Felix to sit with him at the dining table. A few minutes later Felix announced that he’ll be departing from his brother’s agency and now here they are.

A muscle jumps in Chan’s jaw as it tightens. Felix can tell that there is anger building up inside Chan.

“I’d like to have a fresh start elsewhere.” Felix explains.

Chan lifts his gaze. “We are your family.”

“That’s the thing though, hyung. Since I joined your label, you haven’t felt like family to me. No one there has.”

“All this drama because we asked you to wait a bit before you release your album?”

“I do feel bad about that, but mostly I just feel like we’ve lost ourselves and each other as brothers because we are too wrapped up in careers and business. I just…” Felix pauses to clear his suddenly dry throat. “I’d like to spend time with you as my brother and not my boss.”

“Felix-”

“Maybe you don’t care about family anymore, but I do. Maybe if you are not my boss anymore we can go back to being family.”

“Ad because of that you are just walking away from the record label that made you?”

It’s Felix’s turn to scoff, and rather bitterly at that. “The label was never on my side. Apart from creative freedom, there is nothing else in my contract that benefits me as an artist. Do you know how I’ve been living all these years? I’m a lonely and perpetually broke grown man. I’ve been struggling a lot and I couldn’t even turn to you because you are always my boss before you are my brother. Someone else has been taking care of me emotionally and financially. I’m a grown man who can’t take care of himself. Why on earth would I want to continue living like that?”

At least Chan has the decency to look disarmed after what I’ve just told him. “I admit that I’m aware your contract doesn’t have equal share of profits, but I didn’t know that you’ve had all those other issues.”

“You never ask me anything.”

“Alright Felix I hear you. If you want better conditions under your contract, we can negotiate.”

Felix is heartbroken that even after everything he’s said here his brother only cares about the business side of their relationship; but he isn’t surprised. Walking into this conversation Felix didn’t exactly expect some sudden ground breaking reconciliation with Chan. After all they were never really that close as brothers to begin with.

“I want to move on.” Felix says emphatically, and then with a fresh bout of courage, he continues. “The person I said has been taking care of me- he’s my boyfriend.”

Chan pales and he just stares at me in utter shock. Before he can say anything, Felix carry on. “We’ve been secretly dating for years now. I met him at the company when he came over as part of a team to give you investment consultancy services. His name is Changbin and he makes me really happy. More than building the strained relationship between you and me, I want to protect the one I have with Changbin hyung. He is so good to me and I just want to be free to love him.”

“You are…gay?” Chan whispers conspiratorially like it is some abomination. “You’ve been seeing someone all along, later on a man? How could you risk your career like that?” He asks incredulously.

“That’s not the point.”

“Of course it is. Money has been invested in your career. How dare you trivialise that for…love or whatever you call what you have going on with that other man?”

“For your sake I’ve been careful and for that sake I’m not happy. Now I’m choosing my own happiness.”

Chan shakes his head in disappointment. He visibly can’t comprehend or understand any of what I’m saying.

“As my brother you gave me a huge opportunity to have a great music career and for that I’m grateful. That’s why I wanted to tell you before telling the other investors that I won’t be renewing my contract with the label.”

*********

“Are you sure your brother will keep your secrete?” Changbin asks Felix. They are sitting on Felix’s living room floor with their legs stretched out in front of them, sharing a bowl of savoury snacks and a tub of ice cream.

“Chan hyung is a lot of things, but he’s not evil. My contract expires in 5 months anyway, so I don’t think he has anything to gain from exposing and ousting me.”

Changbin nods and then his expression softens. “It’s a shame that Chan hyung cares so little about how your working relationship has ruined your family.”

“Of course I feel bad about that but there are worse family situations out there. I’ll be fine on my own going forward. If Chan hyung ever wants to be a real family, he knows where to find me. I’m done forcing that relationship. I want to focus on myself now and the things that I do have.” Felix gives Changbin a ppointed look while saying the last bit. “I need to find contentment in other things.”

“I’m proud of you for taking the first step towards your own happiness.” Changbin grins. It’s a real dream come true that Felix has finally decided to start loving himself and seeing himself for the beautiful, special and valuable person he is.

“To be exact, the first step is eating all the junk food I want.” Felix smiles, animatedly spooning some ice cream into his mouth. “According to my label, I have an injury, so I have no work to do until my contract expires. In this time I want to sleep, eat, and drink and to spend time loving you. I want to sit down with you, drink coffee and talk about what dates we’ll go on when I’m relieved of my contract.

Changbin pulls his legs under him as he shifts to face Felix. “Can we move in together then?”

Felix leans into Changbin and kisses him on the lips. It starts quick then it lingers and slows down until it ends up deep and adoring. They pull apart and Felix puts his hands on either side of Changbin’s face as he smiles brightly at him. “Of course.”

“I missed your smile so much.”

“Well you’ll be seeing a lot of it going forward.”

“I look forward to it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Your support is everything. I genuinly enjoy reading your comments, so please comment to your hearts' content ❤️


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